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Monday 23 April 2012

Fiction!

Fiction, I have always loved fiction. For as long as I can remember I have adored poring over book after book of adventures and mysteries from other times, other lands. Some of my most vivid childhood and adult memories are of the books I have read. Richard Scarry books filled with pictures of a strange little worm in a strange little hat, and an even stranger ape wearing dozens of watches. I read My Big Book of Fairy Tales, and My Giant Book of Fairy Tales and better yet, the more exotic book of Fairy Tales that my Aunt sent me for Christmas one year that had fairy tales from China and other countries more interesting than my own. I read The Monster at the End of this Book, or I had it read to me so many times I think my parents thought they might loose their minds. I remember at my birthday party in grade 3 I was given the book Farmer Boy and realized for the first time that people actually wrote books long enough that I couldn't read them all in one sitting and even better, they wrote several books that formed a series. Often when I had reached the end of a book I felt somewhat devastated that the story was over, so for me the discovery of the sequel, the trilogy and the series was akin to heaven.

As a kid from the country trips to the library usually had to be tacked on to trips to run errands in town. I would get as many books as I was allowed and had started them by the time we were in the car and if we stopped at the Greenhouse, I could sometimes even finish one! Who could stand to wash dishes, sweep floors, clean bedrooms, weed gardens, when there were stories to be read, places to explore,strange people and creatures to meet. My mom found the perfect chore for me one year. Our newly planted row of evergreen trees needed to be watered and the garden hose moved every 20 minutes or so to the next tree. So there I spent my summer, seated in a lawn chair, book in hand, watch in the other, occasionally forgetting the watch until the puddle around the tree surrounded my feet. 

Once I had devoured everything I deemed worthy in the church library and the public library, finishing all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, everything by L.M. Montgomery, and every book in the Mandi series (which I now can't believe I actually read), I began to purchase books with my allowance. Book after book. I look back with a degree of embarrassment at the quality of books that I purchased. I just didn't know better, or maybe people just weren't writing great books for kids then or perhaps they just weren't available in my small town bookstore. I have quite the collection of Babysitter's Club books amassed in the shelves at my parent's house (shudder).

I used to, and still, get asked why I bother buying books that will only be read once. Few people who really know me ask ever ask that question. I own almost no books that have been read only one time and some have been read upwards of 20 times! Yes, even the mysteries. Each time I delve into the world of the author and the characters the story comes to life in a new way. How could I read a good book only once!

In high school I discovered an Agatha Christie book on my dad's bookshelf, By the Pricking of my Thumbs. Old and somewhat dusty, I was desperate one evening for something to read and within a few pages I was hooked. Thank goodness Agatha Christie was a prolific author!  I spent the next four years digging up every one of her books that I could find.

I think it was probably in high school too when I began to realize that if a book was really not grabbing my attention, or if it was poorly written, then I didn't actually need to finish the book. What a completely bizarre thought. I remember holding a book in my hands and thinking about all the millions of books in the world and realizing that if I just slogged through the bad ones for no good reason, I would never get to all the good ones!

In junior high and high school I was also introduced to the world of Canadian, and even more specifically Prairie literature. If anything was going to turn me off of reading, I swear it could have been those years of English Literature classes. I just could not, and still cannot quite get my head around why I would want to read books about what was happening right outside my door. I know what harvest is, I was all too familiar with tumbleweed, drought, tractors, and eating sandwiches on the back of a pickup truck! And even now, while I value those things, and love life on the prairies (though I don't like dirt), I still don't want to read about it. Looking back I was probably the only kid in my Jr. high class that honestly preferred reading Word To Caesar over Who has Seen the Wind.

High school also led to the discovery of books about war and world issues and for a few years nothing held my attention like WWII. Growing up on a small farm in Southern Manitoba, and attending a Mennonite church made war a very foreign concept for me and for a time I just needed to dive into the world of war and pain and suffering. This is an experience that I have actually heard voiced by many others when they look back over their adolescence. Perhaps it is simply a time of trying to figure out what it means to suffer, or why people hurt each other the way we do. Who knows.

While I adore books of prose, I do not adore books of poetry.  The only poetry that I really find I value is liturgy and the Psalms. I can worship through poetry, but it does not satisfy my need for story. I feel remorse for every poor teacher who struggled to help me to understand that poetry is beautiful, that it tells a story in the fewest words possible, while I looked at them with utter disdain and a complete lack of comprehension. Why would anyone want to write a story in as few words as possible. I could not imagine. I even found, and honestly still find, short stories to be annoying. There is simply not enough there! Yes I know it's a craft blah blah blah...

Almost every day, evening, or night of my entire life has included reading fiction (or listening to it). Without it I am a mess it seems. Fiction grounds me like nothing else in the world. When I move to a new home, find myself in a new bed in a different city, I am comforted and grounded as I hold in my hands a favourite book that is a dear old friend. 

In the last number of years I have found myself especially drawn to youth literature. After years of mysteries and crime novels that had begun to numb my sense of what is good and whole, I needed a break. I needed books that have all of the suspense, the adventure, the drama, and none of the crass language, senseless violence, and random meaningless sex that much of mainstream fiction for adults has to offer. I needed stories and I found them. First I found Harry Potter, then Percy Jackson et al. (not as well written, but not much is), Artemis Fowl, Eragon, Among the Hidden, The Hunger Games and the list goes on.

People used to tell me that once I grew up there wouldn't be time to read so much, then they said when I was working there wouldn't be time, then they said when I was in university there wouldn't be time, then they said when I was pastoring there wouldn't be time, then in seminary there wouldn't be time...but there always is. I find it. I have to. Stories are like water, food, sleep. 

I used to think the reason that I loved fiction so much was because I have an active imagination, but now I know that it is reading fiction that has created or developed my imagination (and my at times odd vocabulary). I know that when I look at a problem and see only one solution that I have not read enough fiction lately. I know when the world seems grayer and things seem impossible that I have spent too much time looking at the news or textbooks and not enough time fighting dragons or wandering through Diagon Alley.  

So, as a reader who is constantly searching for new books to read, I ask you (whoever you are), what books are your dearest old friends?




Thursday 5 April 2012

A dream

I have a dream, not a dream that happens at night in the deepest recesses of my subconscious, but a waking dream that is recurring. It's a dream that I hold tentatively, because I know that, as usual, life is always more complicated than our dreams. 

I have a dream that someday young girls, adolescent girls, young women, middle-aged women, and older women will stand together and just say NO. A deep, firm, loud NO. They will surround advertising agencies and TV stations and protest loudly, they will make YouTube videos that go viral in seconds, they will march down our streets and through our shopping malls and say NO. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to try to convince us that all females should be blonde or that if we are naturally blonde we are stupid. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to take every line and wrinkle off of every model in every magazine, and cover up every spot on every actress so that we think that that is normal. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to make it appear that body hair is an abomination so that we grow frantic in attempts to get rid of all traces of hair save that on our head. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to encourage me for years to be a princess, but when I act like one, all it gets me is trouble. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to send me to school, to teach me that I can be anything, to expose me to the wonders of learning, and then through every means possible tell me that my worth is determined by what I look like and what I own, not who I am and the choices I make. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to taunt me with decadent pictures and cooking shows filled with cupcakes and rich food and encourage me that I should indulge myself because I'm worth it. And in the next breath remind me that it's time to cut out the sweets and get back on that treadmill. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to convince me that my skin is too light, too dark, too olive, too yellow, too pink, too...

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to tell me and show me that if I am short I need to be taller, if I am tall I need to be shorter, if I am pale I must be darker, if I am dark I must be lighter, if I have brown eyes they should be blue, if I have blue eyes they should be brown, if I have small breasts they should be larger, if I have large breasts they should be smaller...

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to manipulate me from almost the moment of birth with your messages that say "YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!"

Because I AM ENOUGH! WE ARE ALL ENOUGH! All of us. Every single one of us is enough. 

And then they will say, we are no longer listening to your messages. 

They will say - I choose to look into the mirror and smile. 

They will say - I choose to look at the girls and women around me and bring out the best in them. 

They will say - I choose to do what is good and healthy for my body and my spirit and encourage others to do the same. 

They will say - I will choose to be thankful for what I have and to give to those who have less. 

They will say - I will choose to look into the green, brown, blue, violet, hazel, black eyes of the other and see the tender hand of God. 

They will say - I will choose to explore the world and all the things that I can see and do in the world to make it a better place for all of us. 

They will say - I will choose to love myself as a whole being. 

They will say - I will choose to find the beauty in everyone that I see, even if it will be hard at first.

And the crowds would cheer. And tears would flow. And women would embrace. And, in my dream, men would stand in awe of the beauty they see before them and remember that they are also enough.


We are all enough. Women and men. We are not more loveable or more human if we own an ipod. It is not true that our lives will be more fulfilled with a tablet or a better iphone. Our families will not develop better relationships if we buy a new car. We will not be more complete human beings if we have a softer/harder mattress, or if we have thicker eyelashes, or if our foundation has better coverage, or if we have the newest princess movie, or if our wrinkles go away. Our lives will not be fulfilled if we find just the right man, or if we lose just another 5 lbs, or if we get just the right highlights, or if our nails are just the right shade, or if we visit a tanning bed.

These are lies. 

The truth is that we are enough. We are, each one of us, valuable human beings, no matter what we look like, no matter what our ethnicity, no matter how much we make, or what we own. 

That's what I believe is true. And so I hang onto my dream. 

But the problem with my dream is, that there is no real objectifiable "you" in this equation. It would be so much easier, I think, if there was. We could just blame "them", those people out there who are hurting "us". It is so much easier to blame the advertisers, or the TV stations, or the models, or the actresses, or "secular society" or "consumer society" or whatever label we want to give the "you". Then we could just be victims of the evil "you." But the the problem is that "you" is really all of us. We are all part of the system. Some of us create the ads, some of us model in them, some of us sell the product, some of us buy it, or some of us encourage others to do so. Each one of us that buys into the myth and supports it through our words, actions, dollars, and cents is the "you."  And it's hard to protest against ourselves. That would mean admitting that we've made a mistake. That we've made bad choices. That we've bought into the lies, we've spread the lies, we've perpetuated the lies, we've lived the lies. 

But doesn't that also mean we have control? That we can actually stop lying? Doesn't it mean that we actually have the power to choose not to lie? Doesn't it mean that we don't have to take on the entire amorphous world of advertising, but instead simply look at our own choices? Doesn't that mean that each one of us actually has the power to look into the mirror in the morning and tell the truth? To look into the eyes of the other and tell the truth? To walk out into the world living the amazing truth that we are, each one of us valuable human beings, that we are enough?

I think it does.

So instead of simply hanging onto my dream of banishing the lies in some monumental protest movement, which some of you might have found corny, I think I'll simply try, each day, to live the truth. It likely won't be easy, but at least it's a start.