A dream

I have a dream, not a dream that happens at night in the deepest recesses of my subconscious, but a waking dream that is recurring. It's a dream that I hold tentatively, because I know that, as usual, life is always more complicated than our dreams. 

I have a dream that someday young girls, adolescent girls, young women, middle-aged women, and older women will stand together and just say NO. A deep, firm, loud NO. They will surround advertising agencies and TV stations and protest loudly, they will make YouTube videos that go viral in seconds, they will march down our streets and through our shopping malls and say NO. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to try to convince us that all females should be blonde or that if we are naturally blonde we are stupid. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to take every line and wrinkle off of every model in every magazine, and cover up every spot on every actress so that we think that that is normal. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to make it appear that body hair is an abomination so that we grow frantic in attempts to get rid of all traces of hair save that on our head. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to encourage me for years to be a princess, but when I act like one, all it gets me is trouble. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to send me to school, to teach me that I can be anything, to expose me to the wonders of learning, and then through every means possible tell me that my worth is determined by what I look like and what I own, not who I am and the choices I make. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to taunt me with decadent pictures and cooking shows filled with cupcakes and rich food and encourage me that I should indulge myself because I'm worth it. And in the next breath remind me that it's time to cut out the sweets and get back on that treadmill. 

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to convince me that my skin is too light, too dark, too olive, too yellow, too pink, too...

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to tell me and show me that if I am short I need to be taller, if I am tall I need to be shorter, if I am pale I must be darker, if I am dark I must be lighter, if I have brown eyes they should be blue, if I have blue eyes they should be brown, if I have small breasts they should be larger, if I have large breasts they should be smaller...

They will say NO - it is not okay for you to manipulate me from almost the moment of birth with your messages that say "YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!"

Because I AM ENOUGH! WE ARE ALL ENOUGH! All of us. Every single one of us is enough. 

And then they will say, we are no longer listening to your messages. 

They will say - I choose to look into the mirror and smile. 

They will say - I choose to look at the girls and women around me and bring out the best in them. 

They will say - I choose to do what is good and healthy for my body and my spirit and encourage others to do the same. 

They will say - I will choose to be thankful for what I have and to give to those who have less. 

They will say - I will choose to look into the green, brown, blue, violet, hazel, black eyes of the other and see the tender hand of God. 

They will say - I will choose to explore the world and all the things that I can see and do in the world to make it a better place for all of us. 

They will say - I will choose to love myself as a whole being. 

They will say - I will choose to find the beauty in everyone that I see, even if it will be hard at first.

And the crowds would cheer. And tears would flow. And women would embrace. And, in my dream, men would stand in awe of the beauty they see before them and remember that they are also enough.

We are all enough. Women and men. We are not more loveable or more human if we own an ipod. It is not true that our lives will be more fulfilled with a tablet or a better iphone. Our families will not develop better relationships if we buy a new car. We will not be more complete human beings if we have a softer/harder mattress, or if we have thicker eyelashes, or if our foundation has better coverage, or if we have the newest princess movie, or if our wrinkles go away. Our lives will not be fulfilled if we find just the right man, or if we lose just another 5 lbs, or if we get just the right highlights, or if our nails are just the right shade, or if we visit a tanning bed.

These are lies. 

The truth is that we are enough. We are, each one of us, valuable human beings, no matter what we look like, no matter what our ethnicity, no matter how much we make, or what we own. 

That's what I believe is true. And so I hang onto my dream. 

But the problem with my dream is, that there is no real objectifiable "you" in this equation. It would be so much easier, I think, if there was. We could just blame "them", those people out there who are hurting "us". It is so much easier to blame the advertisers, or the TV stations, or the models, or the actresses, or "secular society" or "consumer society" or whatever label we want to give the "you". Then we could just be victims of the evil "you." But the the problem is that "you" is really all of us. We are all part of the system. Some of us create the ads, some of us model in them, some of us sell the product, some of us buy it, or some of us encourage others to do so. Each one of us that buys into the myth and supports it through our words, actions, dollars, and cents is the "you."  And it's hard to protest against ourselves. That would mean admitting that we've made a mistake. That we've made bad choices. That we've bought into the lies, we've spread the lies, we've perpetuated the lies, we've lived the lies. 

But doesn't that also mean we have control? That we can actually stop lying? Doesn't it mean that we actually have the power to choose not to lie? Doesn't it mean that we don't have to take on the entire amorphous world of advertising, but instead simply look at our own choices? Doesn't that mean that each one of us actually has the power to look into the mirror in the morning and tell the truth? To look into the eyes of the other and tell the truth? To walk out into the world living the amazing truth that we are, each one of us valuable human beings, that we are enough?

I think it does.

So instead of simply hanging onto my dream of banishing the lies in some monumental protest movement, which some of you might have found corny, I think I'll simply try, each day, to live the truth. It likely won't be easy, but at least it's a start.