Sexuality and Children

I'm frustrated...and angry...and annoyed. Probably not the best time to be blogging. But when I get righteously indignant about something it can be hard to know what to do with all of the emotions. Especially if I'm not really in a place to be able to do a ton about what I perceive to be a problem. Today the issue is sexuality and children. 

On my way home from grocery shopping this morning I caught the first portion of a discussion on the sexualization of children in our culture and it certainly got my hackles up. Not because I disagree, but because I see it all around me, all the time. One of the individuals invited to speak to the issue brought up a Katy Perry video where she's half-naked squirting whip cream from her cupcake breasts. Now I haven't seen this video, and quite honestly I don't want to. But I also don't want my nieces to see it. I'm not a prude. I value healthy sexual expression. But I really wonder how on earth any child today is supposed to learn to value themselves and others as sexual beings, rather than sexualized objects.

The same individual also brought up the appearance of push-up bras for 8-9 year olds, something I have noticed for quite some time. Training bras are not what they used to be. But what really angered me was hearing that recently a company in France came out with an entire line of lingerie for little ones. By little ones, I don't mean petite women. I mean 5 and 6 year olds. What are we doing here? Really? You can tell me all you want that there's nothing wrong with kids having pretty things, and that they don't understand that lingerie is usually associated with sexual intercourse, or that they just want to look like their mommies, but I'm not convinced that it's okay. All I am is angry. You have taken a beautiful human being, a child, and dressed her up to look like a teeny tiny porn star. We are opposed to child porn, right?

All this comes on the heels of hearing discussions on bullying in schools, on being allies for LGBT youth, and about sex education in schools. And I think that all of these things are intimately connected. It's all about respect. Respect for one's own self, respect for the selves of others and refusing to stand by when human beings are being disrespected. And we try to teach kids respect...a little. We tell them that schools are no bully zones. But then we don't enforce the rules, because the "bully" is really an okay kid. It wasn't really bullying. Nobody got hit, and nobody got anything stolen. She just called him gay. She doesn't really know what that means. It's really not a big deal. But it is a big deal. A very big deal. "Gay" is not a swear word. And some may argue, then what's the problem? The problem is that there are gay people in the world and there are children with gay parents and they are human beings. 

Sometimes we tell children that their bodies are good, and that they should respect their bodies. But then little girls watch women doing everything in their power to make themselves look like something they are not. And little boys watch men watching women, particularly those who have tight clothes, less clothes, or no clothes. 

Many people say we can't talk about sex with young kids at school. Grade 2 is really too young, kids don't really know anything about sex. Grade 3 is really too young...grade 4 is really too young...grade 5 is really too young...oh shoot there's a young girl crying in my office because she's been assaulted.  And there's a young boy sitting next to her saying what's the big deal. There's a girl who just came out as a lesbian taking the long way home from school in order to avoid being beaten to a pulp. There's a boy glued to his ipad watching porn and sharing it with all his friends. There's a girl who just keeps getting thinner and thinner and a boy who's all of a sudden become muscular and moody. 

Respect. When is it too young to teach children about respect. About respect for persons. Why is a little girl old enough to see a 1/2 naked woman objectified on a bill board, but not old enough to know all her body parts, how they work, and that she's beautiful because she's human? Why is a boy old enough to slaughter people on video games and to push another kid around calling him gay, but not old enough to learn about the value of respect for person, including his own. 

When I work with children we pray together. We pray using our bodies. I don't do this in order to keep their bodies occupied so we can do the real work of praying with words. I do this because what we do with our bodies matters. We are not simply bodies, minds, souls, words, thoughts all separate and detached. We are whole beings. And what we say is connected to what we think, and what we see impacts what we feel, and what we believe determines what we do. I introduce praying with our whole selves in the hope that the next time they look at another person with scorn, or lash out with fists or words, that they remember that with those same eyes they saw God, with those same hands they touched with compassion, and with those same words they both asked for and offered forgiveness. 

And this is not a topic separate from sexuality. We each approach our day as a sexual being. Every day I am a woman. Every day he is a man. Every day she is a girl. Every day he is a boy. We interact with the world out of these bodies that are particular to us. And often peculiar to us. Sexuality is not a topic that suddenly becomes relevant at age 12. Who we are as male and female, who we are as embodied persons is always relevant. So why do we wait to talk about sexuality until puberty and then, we just talk about sex. 

I recognize that there are developmental issues to consider when talking about our sexuality. But sometimes I think we base our assessment of those issues more on fear or past experience, than on the actual being sitting in front of us. A toddler is not too young to learn that all his/her body parts have been created good and should be cared for with love and respect. A preschooler is not too young to know what it means to touch people with kindness. A child in grade 1 or 2 is not too young to learn that some families have a mommy and a daddy, and some have two mommies or two daddies, and some have just a mommy or just a daddy, and some have foster parents. These are simply descriptions of what is reality for the children in the room. And I believe that young children need to learn how they entered the world and that there are women who love men, and women who love women, and there are men who love women and men who love men. Again, these are descriptors of what children already see around them. We do them harm not to help them to acknowledge and make sense of their own experiences. I also believe we need to teach young kids what kind of sexual expression is truly respectful and what kind is not. They are learning all of this, but not from us. They learn it from bill boards, from commercials, from tv shows, from books, from the internet, from their friends, and the list goes on.

I know that there are many many people who would disagree with me on this. I know there are many people who think that talking about sex will make kids more curious about engaging in sex acts or that talking about homosexuality will make children become homosexual. But kids are engaging in sex acts, they are sexting, they are calling people names and degrading one another, they are getting pregnant and getting STD's, they are cutting themselves, they have eating disorders, they are sacrificing themselves in order to look like the porn star that they believe the boy/girl they like wants them to be and they are creating environments where it is unsafe for individuals to discover their own identities. And I believe all this is happening precisely because we refuse to talk about what it means to be a sexual being until it is too late. We allow the surrounding culture to show children what it means to be a sexual being, and then we're confused when our teens engage in sexually risky behaviour or abuse themselves or others.There is no reason to be confused. It is not confusing at all that a teenage girl who has spent the first 15 years of her life absorbing the message that she needs to be blonde, blue-eyed, large-breasted, skinny as hell, with absolutely no body hair becomes depressed, suffers from anxiety, develops an eating disorder, reads Cosmo instead of literature, has sexual intercourse with the first boy who shows her some attention, and who lashes out at heterosexual girls who threaten her position and homosexual girls who threaten her entire worldview.

We have the responsibility to talk to our children. We have the responsibility to model for them what healthy sexuality looks like. We have the responsibility to discover it for ourselves. We can talk to our children. We can encourage children to use their bodies in healthy energetic vigorous play that respects themselves and others. We can encourage little girls to climb trees and get skinned knees. We can embrace little boys who play with dolls (yes I know these are stereotypes). We cannot hide our children from all that our culture offers but neither can we trust that advertising companies are going to change and do our jobs for us. The job of an advertising agency is to make ads that sell products to make money. They do their jobs exceptionally well. As people who care for children, our job is to raise them to be men and women who respect themselves and others. If we do half the job that consumer culture does, we'll be making huge strides.

Love and Marriage: A Rant just in time for Valentine's Day!

Well, Valentine's Day has almost arrived. The stores are packed with cards, chocolates, and heart strewn displays designed to lure you into expressing your passionate and undying love for that special man/woman in your life and for getting small children hooked on romance and sugar highs since the Christmas candy has probably run out and the toys are now broken or boring. I know, a bit cynical. But let me continue.

When I was a child (doesn't every good rant have to have one of these?) I loved Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day was all about love of friends and teachers and more importantly love of crafts (at least that's what I thought). My mom had a special box of Valentine's Day craft supplies. It was an old pizza box and I nearly wept for joy when I saw that box come out of the cupboard. It had construction paper, heart templates, scissors, glue, old and new Valentine cards, lace, ribbons, sparkles and the piece de resistance...doilies! Just thinking about it now makes my heart feel all thumpy inside. My sister Cathleen and I went all out making cards for our friends and teachers. Some cards were justifiably fancier than others simply due to time and supplies. There's no way to make dozens of cards that all include a heart with a doily with a heart cutout in the center with my school picture peaking through the heart! We simply didn't have that many school pictures! Usually the special picture cards were saved for teachers or for Grandma, but occasionally a "lucky" friend would receive one as well. All this to say that Valentine's Day had a particular tone for me when I was young. And while the crafts are what stand out, I recognize that the day was really all about relationships. It was about recognizing all the relationships and I mean ALL (every kid in the class needed a card) the relationships in my life.

So whatever happened to that tone of Valentine's Day? For that matter, what ever happened to that tone in life? When did we switch from having been created for relationships to having been created for romance and marriage? 

I am single. I am celibate. I am not in any "romantic" relationship. And there's nothing wrong with me. Nothing at all. I am not alone and I'm not lonely and I am not pining away for some man to rescue me. I'm not sure what he would rescue me from. I have a great life. I love it. I would not trade it for anything. Not on Valentine's Day, not on any day.

I have not always been this way.When I was a young woman in my late teens and early twenties, Valentine's Day was miserable. It seemed like, for adults, Valentine's Day couldn't be about all our relationships, it was only about romantic love. I hated it. It was a yearly slap in the face that I was not in a romantic relationship. I was obsessed back then with getting married. It's what society told me was right. Everywhere I looked I was surrounded by couples, actual couples, photos of couples, movies of couples, adds geared towards couples. I could not escape. And this went far beyond Valentine's Day. The world I lived in (and lets face it, it's not less like this now) emphasized that life is about finding one's prince charming, falling madly in love, having a lavish wedding, living in wedded bliss, having two children (one boy and one girl), and living in a lovely house etc. etc. Almost everyone I met was married or trying to get married. And this is not about having grown up in a Mennonite town or having been taught that my role was to be a wife and mother. I grew up knowing that I could get a career and be whatever I wanted to be, but regardless of whether or not a woman has a career, the norm is still marriage (or common law) pretty much wherever I go.

And honestly one of the absolute worst influences I had during that time was my church library. Christian romance novels were my inspiration and my nemesis. They gave me fantastically insipid dreams and constant reminders that I was clearly not good enough, or praying correctly enough. And my library is in no way unique in terms of church libraries. Almost every single church I have walked into, regardless of denomination has had these novels (or novellas which are even worse) on their shelves. They are books that revolve around the lovely pure Christian girl who is waiting for a handsome Christian man to walk into her life. One night having read in her pink Bible that God will give her the desires of her heart, she prays in desperation for her deepest longing to be fulfilled. And low and behold it is! The next day she meets the man that God has chosen just for her and in two short weeks they have fallen hopelessly in love (imagine the scene of Ariel and her prince slowly rotating in their boat with the frogs singing "Kiss the Girl" here). There is usually a tiny conflict of some variety that is quickly overcome through prayer and by the end of the book (which covers a span of under a month) the couple is engaged to be married. Oh, and someone has to be "saved" in there so the book, which is really a trashy romance novel that leaves out the sex scenes, can be called "Christian". 

These books held me captive. And I know that I'm not alone in that. I have met countless women who have been and continue to be held captive to the myth that they were created to fall in love. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not about relationship, it's simply about "love" (of the Princess Ariel sort)  and about being saved from whatever is going wrong in life. Poor men who need to fulfill the role of prince, that's all I can say. Stand for a few moments near a Valentine's card/candy isle and your pity meter will skyrocket. The sweaty clenched hands, the frantic eyes, the hunched over posture of the man who is frantic to make a woman happy. If he gets it right his finicky princess will be overjoyed, but if he gets it wrong, look out! You can see the same sort of thing on Mother's Day incidentally. 

I give thanks for the couples, married, and planning to be married whose relationships are based on mutuality, compassion, forgiveness, shared passion, energy, friendship, understanding, perseverance etc. However, it would be incredibly helpful if the world and if not the world, at least the Christian church, could recognize that some of us have a different calling. We talk about discerning what God is calling us to do and to be a lot in the Mennonite churches that I have attended. Are we being called to ministry, to congregational ministry? Are we being called to care for the land as farmers? Are we being called to care for the poor by working for a non-profit organization? Are we being called to care for the sick in a hospital or care home setting? The list could go on and on. However, the one question I never hear asked is are we being called to be single or to be married? I have only known one person who knew one priest who asked that question. Just one. Why is that? Why do we assume that to live on this planet means we must be married (or in some type of romantic relationship)? It is a blessing to this world that there are individuals who are called to be married, that there are women called to be mothers, and men called to be fathers. But it is also a blessing that there are people called to be single.

 For too long the assumption that all people are meant to be in coupled romantic relationships has been allowed to squash the souls of single people and limit our imaginations regarding relationships in general. I live in an intentional relationship. I met my friend Alicia 9 1/2 years ago. We live as a household, a family. We are friends, companions, sojourners, co-labourers. We share our home, we share a car, we share household tasks like laundry, cooking and taking out the garbage. We laugh, we cry, we argue, we apologize. 

And we are not lesbians. Not at all. We get asked this all the time, or more often people ask our friends. Our imaginations have become so limited in North America that two friends of the same gender cannot live together for more than 6months before people think they must be gay (that's about how long it took before people started asking). Years ago this was not uncommon. Two single women could live together and people were simply glad that they weren't alone. Now we assume that all who live as we do are gay and we look back and assume that all those women were as well. Well, we're not. And most of them weren't either (though some were).

And the reason I'm ranting is not because I can't stand that someone would think that I was a Lesbian. I am not going to use this blog to comment on my position regarding homosexuality. What makes me angry is that the only relationship that seems to matter anymore is the romantic one. Somehow we are not human, not whole if we aren't romantically involved, or in genital sexual relationships. And that is a problem! Some people are single by choice, others are single by circumstance and it is completely unfair for single people to be considered incomplete or for their relationships not to be fully valued because it isn't a spousal relationship. 

I will never forget my Aunt telling a group of us nieces that if we get married, fine. If we don't get married that's fine too. But we are not to meander our way through life waiting for a man. Thank you Aunt Evelyn! You are my hero!

Life is to be lived. Life is to be lived in relationship. In a lot of different relationships. We can love one another as strangers, acquaintances, friends who just get together occasionally, spiritual friends, companions, soul mates, spouses, passionate lovers, mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents and everything in between. 

I know on Valentine's Day some people (who don't really know me, but know that I am single) look at me with pity because I don't have a man. But I'm not the one worrying whether or not my laugh lines look like wrinkles, or if I've put on a few pounds and look fat in my negligee. I'm not the one standing sweaty palmed in front of a card isle trying to make magic happen. I'm not the one who just had an incredibly embarrassing gorillagram delivered to my office. I'm home, kicking back my feet and hanging out with my best friend who thanks me EVERY day for making her supper, who never complains about what I cook, who does the laundry and cleans the apartment, who laughs hysterically at the Rick Mercer Report, who never takes the remote from me even when I'm watching the 6th crime show of the day, who listens to me when I feel upset, who encourages me when I feel confused and who knows me so well she would NEVER send me a gorillagram at work! 

2012 The Year of the Re-Gift

So much stuff. Beautiful, wonderful stuff. 

Having just moved I find that I have been made aware yet again of how much stuff we have. Anyone who helped us move could probably attest to that. Each time we have moved (from CMU to apartment in Winnipeg, from apartment in Winnipeg to AMBS, and from AMBS back to Winnipeg) people have marveled at how we managed to fit so much stuff into such small apartments! And even though we live in a very spacious apartment right now it is still obvious how much stuff we have. And by stuff I don't mean junk or crap. We actually have surprisingly little of that. We made one trip to Goodwill before we left Indiana and that pretty much took care of any things that we really felt we didn't need/want, or that we hoped someone else could fix or make better use of. Yet stuff abounds.

And why you might ask do we have so much stuff? Have we embraced the consumer trend of obsessive shopping or are we hoarders that can't let go of anything? 

No. I'm fairly certain the answer is no. We actually don't like shopping. And I think I can speak for Alicia here. When we do go shopping we usually have a pretty clear idea of what we are looking for and if we don't find it in under an hour or two we give up and go home. I can't tell you how many shopping trips we've made where we look at each other after an hour and a half with that half-glazed "I've had it" look in our eyes and decide to do something better with our time. We're also pretty committed to holding each other accountable to wise spending, since the majority of the last ten years we've been students on pretty tight budgets and we believe in being good stewards. So we don't make a lot of wild and wacky purchases and there are certainly no shoe obsessions in our house. If it's not comfortable and can't be worn around the house, to the grocery store, to work/school and church, it's probably not worth the money. I know, shocking. We totally blow the "women are shoe obsessed" stereotype out of the water. Some people might argue that we do have a book obsession, but I disagree. Books are necessities like food and water, especially for students!

And do we hoard? I'd say not. We've moved too many times in the last 9 years to really become pack rats. Though with Alicia's expertise and love of organizing closets it is possible to put a surprisingly large amount of stuff into some pretty small spaces. But organizing usually also leads to some culling and in the last move even some books ended up at the thrift store.

So why do we have all this stuff? Because we have been surrounded by a lot of very loving and generous people for most of our lives. That's why the stuff isn't junk. It's great stuff, loved stuff, but alas...not used stuff. There are books that have been read once, puzzles that have been done once, cookbooks that no longer fit with a grain-free diet, extra fabric, extra bike helmets, piles of fleece blankets (carefully crafted by skating club moms across the province!), figurines, stuffed animals, clothes, serving dishes and the list goes on and on. So what do we do with all this lovely stuff? 

The answer that I usually see on HGTV is buy more storage bins, or invite Karl Champley from Wasted Spaces into your home to help you make the best use of ever last nook and cranny in your house so you can continue to fill it all up.

But thank goodness I have a more creative and thoughtful roommate who can think outside of the storage bin. This evening as we sat surrounded by stuff and contemplated what we would give our respective family members for birthday gifts this year (they have birthdays in ever month except December!), Alicia suggested that maybe we should re-gift. For a few moments I was a bit hesitant (just a little though since I love the idea of re-gifting). I love to give gifts. I love to give meaningful, beautiful gifts that make people smile and make them feel loved and understood. And I wondered at first if it would be possible to find such gifts within the confines of our stuff-filled apartment. But any concerns that I had were quickly put to rest as we began our glorious shopping trip through our own home! A shopping trip that had no lines, no sore feet, no smelly washrooms, no headaches, no worries about supporting consumerism or unethical business practices or about our own shoe string budgets. The more we looked the more we found. And remember, I'm not talking junk. I'm talking nice stuff. Stuff that I would like to receive. Stuff I have received and enjoyed (gently of course), and now I am ready to invite others to enjoy these things as well.

So...for the entire 2012 year, Alicia and I will be "buying" ALL of our gifts (birthday, anniversary, baby shower etc.) at the Buhler and Martens Marketplace (which also includes the boxes we still have in storage at my parents place). And not only the gifts, but all cards (time to use up all that gorgeous scrapbooking paper before it's dated), and all the wrapping as well.

So let this post serve as notice to all our family and friends, get ready to be re-gifted! And Jen, you're up first! :)  Sorry Aimee, your birthday has come and gone, so I guess you're out of luck this year. You'll just have to make do with the album I made you. :(

Special families

Yesterday Alicia and I were talking, which we do a LOT, and remembering some of the great families that we have been connected to over the years. Somehow being connected to families around us has always just happened and we have started to refer to this as our ministry of availability. Neither of us are married. Neither of us have children. We actually have time. And repeatedly this has made it possible for us to enter into the lives of other families in ways that just wouldn't have happened otherwise. 

When we lived at CMU we had a fabulous Korean family that lived right below us that we became VERY attached to. We often shared meals together, I read with their daughter (so much fun), we talked, I learned a bit of Korean, they learned a bit of baking! It was so much fun to spend time with them. When they experienced a difficult pregnancy we were able to be with them in so many ways. I had the privilege of making early morning pony tails (thickest hair ever!), making lunches, walking and picking up their daughter from school and giving haircuts. Alicia got to use her doula training during visits to the hospital. I will never forget sitting with their daughter the night their son was born. I will also never forget that my good friend simply handed her baby off to her husband and came upstairs to pray over me the night my sister died. Sometimes when I think back to my days at CMU all I remember is the smell of kimchi and the love of a very special family.

Just shortly before we graduated from CMU and I began pastoring 1/2 time our Korean friends connected me with some families who needed tutoring. I spent the next two years tutoring some fabulous kids in grade 5, 9, and 10. We read, did homework, learned to crochet, bake, and make soup and laughed a lot. Sometimes I would come home from work at church and wonder how I was going to make it through two hours of tutoring in the evening, but as soon as the girls arrived all my energy returned and I usually ended the evening with much more joy than I began. They are all such beautiful people. 

Much to our surprise, as we arrived in Elkhart Indiana what did we find, but a young family with a little girl living downstairs from us who later told us that they were experiencing a difficult pregnancy and we were able to lend a hand. And again we were able to spend time with their daughter when an emergency trip to the hospital was necessary for the birth of their son. We also found a Korean family who had two daughters and two visiting students who needed help with English. Both of these connections helped us to feel at home in a new place. 

In Winnipeg we were also friends with a pastor and his family that I could share my hairstyling gifts with (haircuts for 5 kids is expensive!). We had several lovely meals and evenings of fun in the hair chair at their home. And when we went to Indiana, we also found a co-student and pastor with three children with rapidly growing hair as well. There's nothing like being paid for haircuts in fresh chicken noodle soup and pie!

All of these families have allowed us to enter into their lives and offer whatever we had to give and that has been a huge blessing. It has struck me over and over again that in many ways the relationships we have had with these families was made possible by the fact that we are both single and don't have children of our own. These have all been priceless relationships that we could never have imagined. Each family was a gift that appeared before us and invited us into their lives. I can't help but wonder who we will meet next.

Goin' Grey

Recently I've been contemplating whether or not to keep colouring my hair. I'm fairly grey, yet my reasons for colouring my hair in the first place were not really to cover grey. I started colouring my hair in hair dressing school in 1994 because it's what we all did on Fridays when we were free to experiment on each other, which led to some wacky stuff and some quick fixes on behalf of our instructors some days!

As a stylist I always coloured my hair. First, it's just what hairstylists do. Second, it's fun. Maybe that's not second. It's probably first. Hairstyling is art and experimenting with colour is like trying out new paints on a canvas. It was great fun to try new techniques that we learned and new colour formulas we saw in classes. I never went overly wild, but I really enjoyed playing with what colours could enhance the hair I have been given, my skin tone, my eyes etc.

My other reason for colouring my hair has also always been that it makes my hair more manageable. My hair is naturally the texture of a toddler's, very slippery, so colouring roughs it up a bit.  As I have been getting grey hairs, colour was also a way to control the stray greys which wanted to stand up like antennae.

By now many people have no idea that I ever was a stylist. My hair is fairly neutral and that's pretty intentional. I don't need people completely distracted by my hair when what I really want them to pay attention to is my words, God, or each other. For some people this might feel restrictive, but since I just really like simple classic styles, it's not a problem for me. I've still been colouring my hair for manageability, but I'm not really playing anymore, mostly because I'm not working with a bunch of stylists, but also because I just don't have the money.

Lately, the question has been, why exactly am I colouring my hair? I trained Alicia years ago to colour my hair properly using salon colour (I still have access) so just simple stuff is feasible at home, but is it necessary? We're not playing. It's not art. I find my creative artistic impulses are now directed elsewhere. So if it's not for fun, then is it for manageability? I'm not sure anymore. I think I might be grey enough by now that my hair is rougher and that I have reached the critical mass necessary for my grey hair to behave more uniformly.

I've never really freaked out about getting grey hair. I have pulled out a few over the years (I started getting grey hairs at 21) because, like I said above, they tended to stick out like antennae. But the grey doesn't bother me. Actually I've found it helpful. In the places I often find myself appearing slightly older than my 35 years is not a bad thing. Also, as I think about going grey I am struck by the number of women I have looked up to over my lifetime who have embraced their grey. They have been strong women, confident women who look comfortable in their own skin.

One frustration that I often had in my hairstyling career was working with women who were seeking wholeness through haircolour. This is actually one of the reasons I left the beauty industry for ministry. Hair colour, while fun to play with, does not actually serve to help us to become comfortable in our own skin. It can make us feel bright and playful. The change can give us a sense of newness, at least for a few days. It can even make us look like we're glowing, until we again realize that the change in colour hasn't really impacted the heart of what is going on in our souls.Hair colour does not fix problems. Shocking!

So if I'm not feeling an urge to channel my creativity into colouring my hair and if I'm sensing that manageability may no longer by an issue (though I might find it is once all the colour has grow/been cut off), and if my entire sense of self is not wrapped up in looking younger than my actual age, then it seems to make sense to go grey. So instead of worrying about my roots, I think I'll choose to use my money for spiritual direction, which is much more likely to root me in all the ways that really matter.

Ideas and my calling

So ideas. Over the years I've had a lot of ideas and these ideas are not (usually) just whims or things I think would be fun. 

Though occasionally they are and those ideas tend not to make it through any significant discernment process. 

In a lot of ways I sense that these ideas grow out of the central part of my calling as a minister. During my time at seminary I really came to see the essence of my calling as being one of resourcing others. Basically finding or providing information or tools that help people to meet God and/or to fulfill their callings. It has become obvious to me that almost all of the ideas that I get fall under this umbrella of resourcer or facilitator.It is in this capacity that I connect with Fredrick Buechner's famous quote that "The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

And while I continually seek the guidance of the Spirit in my imaginings and in my calling generally, I also recognize my own ego in this process which is why I believe so strongly in community discernment. Some of the ideas that will follow are only in the very beginning stages, others have gone through considerable community discernment and others I have already had the privilege of sharing in ministry settings. In many ways the list that follows is simply a list of what I feel that I can offer my church community, a list of what I would love to share and experience with other believers of all ages. 

Prayer retreats for children and adults: retreats can be such a gift in a world that is so busy, crowded, and often devoid of space to breathe. It is amazing watching young children learn to embrace silence, meditation, and active prayer. 

Individual Spiritual guidance for children: while I am not a trained spiritual director, I have engaged in individual spiritual guidance with children where we learn ways of connecting with God and reflect on where they see God at work or present in their own lives. These sessions have been some of the most precious for me. 

Pastoral Care for children: This is a part of where my heart lies. We in the church often offer care to adults who are grieving and assume that they will then be able to care for their children. Yet in many cases it is not possible for a grieving adult to care for a very differently grieving child. Realistically, sometimes parents are too broken to carry their children. The church has the privilege of walking with individuals of all ages. 

Wondering about Worship classes: What does worship mean in our churches? All churches have liturgy, we all have worship patterns and explicit or implicit understandings of what various worship movements mean. Yet worship can simply float right past us when we don't actually understand what we are doing, to whom our voices are directed, the importance of certain worship movements even if we don't enjoy them. What does it mean to include confession and assurance in our services, what does it mean, or what do we learn, if we never include such prayers? And does it make a difference in how children participate in worship if they understand what we are doing and why, and better yet, if they have had the opportunity to help plan worship? Young children have the ability to choose songs, to write prayers, to invite others into worship. Worship is not a spectator sport, not for adults, and not for children.

Together we Pray Classes: Praying and talking about faith with children is often something that we, the church, just assume parents do with their children. It is often something we are also critical of families for not doing more. However, I have the sense that we have not equipped parents in this regard. Many parents I know recognize that children have various learning styles, that we all do and that means that in school various styles should be represented and appreciated. The same is true with prayer and spiritual practices. How many parents know that there are dozens of ways to engage in prayer and faith formation with their children? how many parents don't know where to start when talking about God with their child. A class like this brings together the parent and child/children to experience common biblical stories, to talk about faith together, and to learn prayer practices together. Common faith/prayer experiences allow parents and children to learn to walk as disciples together. 

Children’s Spirituality resourcing: I am passionate about children's Bible story books, other faith story books, spiritual practice resources, story telling, rituals etc. When I worked at the AMBS bookstore resourcing pastors, parents and other individuals was one of the most life-giving aspects of my work.

Basic introduction to the Christian Year sessions: Many Mennonite churches have in recent decades come to embrace Advent, and many now observe Lent as well. However,  many people I meet have very little idea of what those seasons mean or what benefit observing the Christian year might have for congregations. Many people find Advent to be too much waiting and Lent too somber. However, Advent is meant to prepare us not for one gluttonous feast on Christmas day, but for the Christmas season which ends with Epiphany. And Lent, which is long and often somber is to culminate in the Easter Season. What does it mean to fast but not to allow ourselves to fully enter into the season of feasting that is to follow? And not only does the Christian year have seasons of feasting and fasting, but each season also has ebbs and flows as well. Emotionally there is room for movement in Advent, for longing, for wondering, for joy, for pain etc. Planning worship in a church that uses some seasons of the Christian year, but not others or where the meaning of such seasons are unclear can be a challenge that for some is just frustrating. 

Soul and Voice: I had the opportunity at AMBS of participating in a class called Soul and Voice. While part of this class was about singing (and singing is not my forte), much of the class was simply about learning to stand and speak, comfortable in one's own skin. It was about finding voice, recognizing the voice God has placed within each of us and overcoming the fear of speaking (as well as singing or moving) that can hinder us in living into the calling that God has placed within each of us. This type of class can be a ton of fun, even if it is sometimes a bit scary. I would love to offer something like this for people (children included) who shy away from public speaking, or who simply have trouble standing firm, being rooted in their sense of self as God's child. I have met a lot of young children, especially girls who struggle with not being good enough or feeling comfortable in their own skin. Why wait to help these kids until they are in their 20's and 30's and are needing therapy in order to function in their daily leadership roles?

Reading club for young girls: Girls have tons of opportunity in Canadian society, yet there is still a significant pervasive story that almost every young girl learns. It is the princess story. The story of niceness, of prettiness, of romance. It is the story that tells us that we must be swept off of our feet and carried off into the sunset where life will be filled with hearts and roses and pink castles. It is the story that I believe creates a hopeless ideal that leads, in many cases, to perpetual dissatisfaction and divorce. Many have recognized that even young girls who are strong leaders, who are creative, intelligent, caring, and have the kind of imagination to change our world for the better give up their dreams in adolescence striving instead to be pretty and to find a boy who will like them (for who they really are not). This is not God's call on our daughter's lives. And though I do not have children, I believe firmly that the sons and daughters of our communities belong to all of us. We all have the responsibility to help them to live into their callings, and explicitly or implicitly teaching girls that life is about living in beautiful palaces, being romanced daily by a man with nothing better to do than to kiss our feet, looking pretty, and of course having explosive sex is doing violence to our children. It does violence to the girls, as well as to the boys who cannot hope to be the mushy romantic that the princess story calls for when they are simultaneously being taught to be Rambo (I have a whole other rant on this). Girls (and boys) can learn that relationships are about agape, about mutuality, about shared power, about imagination, about peace and reconciliation, about drawing out the best in others while at the same time drawing out the best in ourselves. I'm currently exploring a series of short midrash (stories about stories in the Bible) that are written from the perspective of women in the Bible. I'm not sure if these will be solid material to work with, but I'm curious and hopeful that someone may have written something that can help young girls to embrace their role as women in God's good creation who are not called to sit and look pretty, but to work towards the Kingdom of God. By the way, I am not in any way anti- the colour pink, or anti -marriage, or anti- mothering, or anti- taking care of one's physical appearance, but I think that all of these things have been unduly co opted by the princess myth.

Class on four types of spirituality: Spirituality can take many forms. We don't all come to know God in the same way. For some of us God is almost complete mystery, while others sense that God is quite knowable. Some of us connect more with our heads, with words, with ideas, while others are more affective. Some of us embrace doing, while others have the gift of hearing God's voice in the silence. And there is tremendous value for all of us to learn to know God in ways that we are most drawn to, and in ways that are quite the opposite in order to create the fullness of knowing that is a gift to the community.

Introduction to various spiritual practices like contemplative listening, Writing the Text, praying in colour, centering prayer, etc. etc. This is in many ways connected to the four types of spirituality: There are so many spiritual practices that we can engage in. Growing up I thought people just read the Bible and then talked to God saying thank you, and asking for things. There is so much more! I never understood why verbal prayers seemed empty to me until I learned to pray visually and with my imagination. I never saw what others got out of praying from a book until I tried it and learned the value of rhythm and thoughtful words. We can meet God through reading the Bible, but also through having it read to us, and through reading a section repeatedly listening for different things, and through writing the text out, and through illuminating that text with art. We can meet God through our words, in silence or out loud, in our imaginations, with our bodies, or with repeated breath prayers. We can communicate through painting, through praying in colour, and through dancing. We can pray with our feet by walking, or with our hands by laying them on someone in need. The possibilities which once seemed dull and limited, now appear vibrant and limitless. Why on earth should an artist whose heart cries out to God with every stroke of their brush feel guilt because they have not knelt and for 10 minutes laid out their litany of desires and thanks to God with words that to them are insufficient? Painting is not always prayer, but it certainly can be and it makes my heart ache to think of the number of people in the world who think that they are not good enough believers because they can't meet God in the ONE way that someone told them was the ONLY way. If God created us with such diversity and beauty and variation of gifts and expressions, surely God can hear/see/sense us likewise.

Yes, I talk a lot.

Ideas

I get a lot of ideas. Constantly. When I talk about ideas, I mean ministry related, spiritual formation, prayer, Bible/culture kinds of ideas. Not, "Hey, I should wash the floor" ideas. I never have those kinds of ideas at all!

The shower used to be a popular place for me to get Spirit inspired ideas (at least that's how I have learned to interpret these particular ideas). However, the shower in this apartment is not conducive to idea development. Sometimes it's not even conducive to becoming clean! I don't know about other people but I find it difficult to let my mind take little idea adventures while I'm having my backside scalded (try not to think about this too hard). 

So in this new apartment my ideas germinate in other places (in the apartment). But regardless of the location the ideas keep coming and coming.

• Brief aside: At this point I need to comment on how hard I'm trying to use contractions in this post (I'd, don't, I've, etc.). I've been writing academic papers for so long that even my casual emails or notes on the fridge are written out in full.  So I hope you (whoever you are) appreciate that I'm attempting to write like a normal individual. :)

Back to my ideas. 

I get a lot of ideas, but it seems my brain is most fruitful when I am not in a place where I can put the ideas into practice. This was my experience in my undergrad years at Canadian Mennonite University and was frequently my experience in my first year of seminary. Studying often sparks scads of ideas and I was incredibly grateful that AMBS had internships so the ideas had a place to go. At Belmont Mennonite church my ideas could bounce off of others, be informed, be challenged, be reshaped, become something completely different etc. It was these types of experiences that helped me to see that whatever ideas are sparked within me, they are always incomplete unless they come into contact with the believing community, whether that is a commission, or a task force, or a Sunday school class, or a group of young children on retreat. What I mean by this is, I can't just be a thinker, a writer, an academic (not that academics are as isolated as is sometimes believed. They really don't have ivory towers. Brick maybe, but not ivory). I am at heart a theological practitioner. While I enjoy studying and writing about Christian Formation, I have come to recognize that my vocational home is in the practice of Christian formation and in teaching and empowering others in that practice.

In my last year at seminary I did an independent study on children and prayer. As part of that study my supervisor and I decided I should write a journal-style article that would at least have the potential to be used in the future and not yet another paper to join my binders full of academic papers collecting dust in the office. When the article was complete my supervisor suggested I look at getting it printed in a journal, perhaps one on family spirituality, or Christian formation. I thought about it for awhile. But I decided I would rather have it published somewhere where it would have the potential to be read by people who actually pray with children. I know who reads academic journal articles on children and prayer. I do! And a small handful of others who put enough effort into digging through a database that they actually find those articles. So I went with The Mennonite instead (I really wanted the Canadian Mennonite, but oh well, you take whoever responds!). If anyone is interested in reading the article here is the link Children and Prayer

That article is one of the outcomes of a year-long experiment. An idea of what it might look like to introduce a group of children to various prayer practices. I spent 2010-2011 praying with the most fabulous group of grade 2+3's (11 of them!). I have to say that was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life and a highlight of almost every week. So many insightful comments, so many purposeful gestures, so many holy moments. And the fun continued in the fall of 2011 when Belmont gave me the opportunity to volunteer my time at the church using my gifts in whatever ways I felt I was being led. There were prayer retreats, a worship class, individual spiritual guidance with children and a parent/child prayer class. And all of those opportunities took place alongside co-teaching Human Development and Christian Formation with Andy Brubacher Kaethler at AMBS.

It was 1 1/2 years filled with learning (much of it on my behalf), experimenting, testing, and re-imagining what God is calling me to do, and what God is leading us towards in terms of Christian formation in the Mennonite church today. 

And now I'm in Winnipeg. Missing my friends and church family in Elkhart, yet so glad to be back home. Not yet employed, not yet settled in a church. And my brain is flooding with ideas!

And since this post is SO LONG, I'll save sharing those ideas for another day!

Getting Started

So...here I am. In the blogging world. I didn't really think this would ever happen. But I have hours and hours to fill in my day (which feels very strange and at times agonizing), I'm very opinionated, I tend to think out loud, and I live with only one person (Alicia) who is then forced to listen to my ramblings on various subjects ad nauseum. Thus, the creation of this blog. The unfortunate part is I bet I'll end up running all my blog posts past her before I post them. So this could be a short-lived experiment. We'll see. 

Hmmm...what to write?

Now that Alicia has been forced to listen to the first paragraph, I guess I should attempt a second. 

Okay...I got nothing.