The Gift of a Sturdy Gospel

Well, I find myself here in the midst of the Christmas season confused, as usual. Sometimes I think that being confused is simply a bi-product of  having a mind that is constantly trying to figure things out. As soon as I seem to come close to grasping one idea, I have to find others to wrestle with. And this Christmas has been, and continues to be, a time of wrestling for me. 

Christmas seems to be a time for simple things. Simple things like friends, family, love, sharing, and a baby in a manger. And yet none of these things seem simple to me. When I listen to Christmas music or attend Christmas worship services I hear all kinds of words that I know. Words that I think I should understand, and yet I don't. I just don't. The meaning of friends, family, love and sharing are all things I wrestle with all the time, but at this time of year it's the baby in the manger that has me completely flummoxed.

I want to understand. I want it to all make sense. But I hear the words and I'm just baffled. What does it mean that God came to live on earth? What does it mean that God came as a baby? What does it mean for us to celebrate that fact? The messages I receive seem to tell me that this is easy, that I should rejoice, that I should understand and yet...

Perhaps if I had grown up in an Eastern tradition I would know what to do with the mystery. Because clearly this whole baby in a manger thing is mystery for me. I do sometimes notice that we mention mystery in the services I attend. But it's more mystery as awe, bowing down in wonder. Don't get me wrong, I love that kind of mystery. But rarely do I hear talk of mystery in terms of complete inability to comprehend on a cognitive or emotional level. And that's where I kind of find myself. I just can't seem to wrap my head around this Christ-child. I find myself wrestling, not rejoicing. 

So the one thing that I have found most meaningful to me this Christmas is the gift of a sturdy gospel. By that I mean scriptures that have withstood the test of time. Scriptures that speak regardless of my ability to comprehend them. Scriptures that are not threatened or harmed by my wrestling. Scriptures that are not simple or straightforward. Scriptures that have been written by and for real people. Scriptures that are mystery. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself that the Christian Bible really is mystery. So often in contemporary Christianity I hear scripture used as the answer key to the exam booklet of life. I go through life, a little problem comes up, I pray and read a verse, and the little problem goes away. Faith is simple. Faith is straightforward. The Bible is happiness packaged in flashy wrapping and tied with a neat bow. But I just haven't experienced the Bible or faith like that. And I haven't experienced life that way either. Life is messy. Far messier than a little exam booklet!

While sometimes I think it would be easier if the Bible was actually a book of answers, I know that in the end a Bible like that would be insufficient. It would not be sturdy. I need a sturdy gospel. Sturdiness does not develop out of simplicity and happiness. Sturdiness develops out of wrestling and struggle alongside profound joy. And I am endlessly grateful that the gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of wrestling not of pat answers. Because pat answers simply fall flat in the face of real life.