Goin' Grey

Recently I've been contemplating whether or not to keep colouring my hair. I'm fairly grey, yet my reasons for colouring my hair in the first place were not really to cover grey. I started colouring my hair in hair dressing school in 1994 because it's what we all did on Fridays when we were free to experiment on each other, which led to some wacky stuff and some quick fixes on behalf of our instructors some days!

As a stylist I always coloured my hair. First, it's just what hairstylists do. Second, it's fun. Maybe that's not second. It's probably first. Hairstyling is art and experimenting with colour is like trying out new paints on a canvas. It was great fun to try new techniques that we learned and new colour formulas we saw in classes. I never went overly wild, but I really enjoyed playing with what colours could enhance the hair I have been given, my skin tone, my eyes etc.

My other reason for colouring my hair has also always been that it makes my hair more manageable. My hair is naturally the texture of a toddler's, very slippery, so colouring roughs it up a bit.  As I have been getting grey hairs, colour was also a way to control the stray greys which wanted to stand up like antennae.

By now many people have no idea that I ever was a stylist. My hair is fairly neutral and that's pretty intentional. I don't need people completely distracted by my hair when what I really want them to pay attention to is my words, God, or each other. For some people this might feel restrictive, but since I just really like simple classic styles, it's not a problem for me. I've still been colouring my hair for manageability, but I'm not really playing anymore, mostly because I'm not working with a bunch of stylists, but also because I just don't have the money.

Lately, the question has been, why exactly am I colouring my hair? I trained Alicia years ago to colour my hair properly using salon colour (I still have access) so just simple stuff is feasible at home, but is it necessary? We're not playing. It's not art. I find my creative artistic impulses are now directed elsewhere. So if it's not for fun, then is it for manageability? I'm not sure anymore. I think I might be grey enough by now that my hair is rougher and that I have reached the critical mass necessary for my grey hair to behave more uniformly.

I've never really freaked out about getting grey hair. I have pulled out a few over the years (I started getting grey hairs at 21) because, like I said above, they tended to stick out like antennae. But the grey doesn't bother me. Actually I've found it helpful. In the places I often find myself appearing slightly older than my 35 years is not a bad thing. Also, as I think about going grey I am struck by the number of women I have looked up to over my lifetime who have embraced their grey. They have been strong women, confident women who look comfortable in their own skin.

One frustration that I often had in my hairstyling career was working with women who were seeking wholeness through haircolour. This is actually one of the reasons I left the beauty industry for ministry. Hair colour, while fun to play with, does not actually serve to help us to become comfortable in our own skin. It can make us feel bright and playful. The change can give us a sense of newness, at least for a few days. It can even make us look like we're glowing, until we again realize that the change in colour hasn't really impacted the heart of what is going on in our souls.Hair colour does not fix problems. Shocking!

So if I'm not feeling an urge to channel my creativity into colouring my hair and if I'm sensing that manageability may no longer by an issue (though I might find it is once all the colour has grow/been cut off), and if my entire sense of self is not wrapped up in looking younger than my actual age, then it seems to make sense to go grey. So instead of worrying about my roots, I think I'll choose to use my money for spiritual direction, which is much more likely to root me in all the ways that really matter.